Chapter 146

I venture down to the club, wearing a simple back fitted shift dress over black flats with my hair up in a
sleek ponytail. Understated glam today and simple with natural makeup, which isn’t my normal forte. I
feel like a change, and to blend in a little, rather than my bold and brassy self. Low key to match my
fragile mood, I guess.

I don’t know if he is still in the building, but I’m hoping we don’t cross paths for a little while. I need
some normal to get my flow back and settle down after the past hugely traumatic and crazy twenty-four
hours.

I can almost feel the calm and serene emanating from the club as staff work to put it to rights for
tonight. The drama of last night forgotten because no Carrero men were harmed. The missing three
had been Alexi, Mico and driver because the chief of police had sent them off ahead of the rest to miss
out on the drama that followed. Gossips all over the club are whispering about it in dark corners and
clearing up the misunderstandings. So much confusion last night from garbled, chaotic messages, but
today it’s like a peaceful blanket has dampened it all down again.

Everyone back to business and carrying on with their duties like old hands who never blink at the
occasional shooting in a public place.

I’m avoiding the news because I know for a fact it will be all over it and spewing whatever cover story
the chief of the NYPD has put out there. The level of corruption in Alexi’s world is insane and destroys
my faith in humanity.

He can literally get away with murder, which is a terrifying thought.

I wonder how he pulled that off in London with Rick. I’m guessing he has friends all over the globe who
band together and pull in favours for the right price, and I know from when I lived there, London has its
own underground crime scene and rich mob bosses. I have no doubts he has a few English Mafia as
reliable friends across the water. Alexi is a man with a lot of connections and a reach that travels far.



He can do whatever he wants, and his power has no limits. Such is the reality that most normal people
have no concept of.

What’s one little paedophile pimp’s death to them?

Absolutely nothing more than a small favour for a powerful chum. The same world in which minions
disappear daily only to be found in concrete boots nestled among the shoals of fish nibbling away at
their flesh.

The whole thing makes my head spin.

People in the real world have no clue about this alternate existence that carries on right under their
noses. The daily deals and deaths and the inscrutable characters who think nothing of selling people,
arms and drugs, and get away with all sorts of heinous mischief. I have been part of that world for so
long I doubt I could ever live in another. It’s there in the smiles of powerful men you think you can trust.
Mayors, Police chiefs, respected businessmen and so many more. They are where the real power lies.
Money talks and human life is cheap.

I don’t see myself being able to transition from that kind of experience and knowledge to become Suzie
Homemaker. Raising brats and baking cookies in that fantasy world where everything is hunky dory.
That’s not what I see for myself and it’s not what I want, not that I can have it. I don’t want to pretend I
have no clue about the dark side of the world, and I don’t want to try to fit into the pretend play either. I
don’t know what Alexi wants in a woman, but I won’t be tied down to become his trophy or kept with
nothing to do all day except buy shoes and max his credit cards. There will be no mini Alexis in my
future anyway, Rick took care of that and it’s something Alexi must know if he read the journals but
didn’t mention it.

I want to have control over what I do. I want pride in some accomplishment and focus in life. The club
gives me that, but I have an ambition that grows even further. I want something respectable, so I don’t



have to hide the title of what I do or avoid normal conversations with people in Alexi’s public world, who
know nothing of seedy sex clubs and drug-fuelled nights of debauchery.

I want something semi-acceptable. Something that takes me away from abhorrent sexual favours and
leering perverts. I’m tired of always feeling dirty. I need something reputable.

A normal night club or a glitzy hotel job would be good, something to command. I’ve always been good
at overseeing, organising and managing. I guess it’s my only real gift in life, and being able to wine,
dine and schmooze people to what I want has only added to that ability. I’ve learned how to read and
predict people’s needs and it’s a skill that only those who have lived a life of servitude can ever truly
learn. I learned it at the school of hard knocks and know the power of keeping people sweet in any line
of work. Well, until Alexi. I really could not make myself bend to his will at all.

Alexi saw it long before I did. He picked up on what I could do for him and he was right. The club is
rolling along fluidly and raking in around 100 G a week from memberships alone. It has people begging
to get in on it, and with the extra cash they throw at our girls, security for product extras and servers in
tips, we don’t have a shortage of staff anymore. Everyone wants to work in this club, and everyone
wants to be a part of the Carrero party. Word is filtering through to anyone worthy that they need to be
involved, and Alexi already mentioned moving the entire club to bigger accommodation to cater to his
growing member’s list as something he would need to think about. His club uptown that we visited for a
refurb may be on his shortlist as a new venue, and I can’t say I won’t be sad. This place works because
of location and size, and if he expands, I’m hoping he keeps both and runs them simultaneously or my
share will be worthless.

I have created a little nook of awesome and it’s slowly paying Alexi back the cash he has invested in it.
I don’t want him to outgrow it or the need for me to run it.

The main bar is busy with minions, running around wiping down surfaces, restocking and hoovering.
It’s late in the day so they are almost done with the ritual clean up and I can only see the regular



security milling around. I bypassed the office floor in case he was in there and now I’m looking for him,
stupidly.

I wish my brain would pick a side and stick to it. I don’t want to see him and then when I can’t see him, I
suddenly want to. I should just go chain myself to him, I’m pathetic enough.

I watch one of the bar girls meticulously inspecting shelves and wiping them down before giving her co-
worker hell for missing some grubby spots and my attention is peaked. I’ve noticed her attention to the
details a few times and her eagerness to keep on top of orders and customer satisfaction. Her name is
Rebel from what I can remember, only stuck out to me because of its meaning, but now, as I watch her,
a little plan forms in my head for a possible Hoe-Anne replacement and it puts a smile all over my face.

She’s smart, meticulous in her own appearance and looks more hostess than waitress if she had the
right dress on. She isn’t afraid to put others in their place and has a little spark of Camilla that doesn’t
offend me. I also am not offended by her and she treats me with respect.

“Miss me?” Alexi’s voice comes at me from far left as though I’d summoned him magically with intent,
and I jump guiltily when I turn to see him walking out from one of the boudoirs with Mico behind him
and completely forget about Rebel.

“You two have something to confess?” I nod at the sex room, Mico is closing and smile wittily as Alexi
frowns at me. That look of zero amusement when I make gay jokes at him or any of his kinsmen. I
swear the boy is secretly a homophobe.

“How do you know we weren’t having a threesome?” Alexi retorts with a smirk and I just continue to
smile back. Although a little flutter in my stomach reminds me that this man has more power over me
than I like to admit. I know he is joking but still, it stirs the little green-eyed monster in my belly. I don’t
like his joke when it cuts to close to the bone.



“Because the girls don’t start until four, so unless it involved one of your big burly men …” That gets a
deeper frown from him, severe furrowed brow and wrinkled nose, and he slides an arm around my
shoulders casually and tugs me to walk with him. Annoyingly intrusive and stronger than the average
man, so I have no choice but to fall in step with him and glare at his hands-on approach.

“We were having a private chat away from ears and the rooms are soundproofed.” He offers in way of
answer and continues to keep walking me right back out of the bar without asking if I want to
accompany him. It’s odd that suddenly, he thinks the touching rule has changed, but I guess I did fuck
that up by having sex with him yesterday.

He sees it as an amended situation, I guess. No touching died with the no sex. He has another thing
coming if he thinks sex is on repeat anytime soon. That is one area I was stupid to cross over into and
have no intention of going there until I figure out what I want from us.

“Yet they are filmed, with sound. So, you know, your security could still hear you.” I remind him and get
that blank look that serves to remind me that his security now only really comprises of people in his
bloodline, after our little invasion and attempted kidnapping some months back. He trusts them and so
conversations overheard are safe. It’s just my floor staff he avoids.

“You look pretty.” Alexi cuts in and changes conversation smoothly, obviously bored with the one we
are having and Mico comes up level with us.

“I second that.” He smiles at me warmly; a familiar looming presence, looking enough like his cousin to
see they are related, with their dark hair, Italian good looks, smouldering eyes and overly muscular
stature. They are wearing matching dark suits and standard issue Mafia overcoats before stepping
ahead to open the rear door and Alexi finally lets me go. Not following Mico immediately out of it but
turns to face me instead and makes it clear this is where our little companion walk ends. He has
somewhere to go and they are leaving. Hence the heavy jackets as it’s now getting into a colder
season in the city and heavy snow is due in the coming few weeks. My insides sink a little; he has only



just appeared and now, he is going. So much for wanting a day to myself, my stupid heart is
contradicting it and I feel pathetic.

“Have dinner with me tonight?” He swoops right in with the request; no hint of hesitation and I sigh at
him heavily. As much as I don’t want him to go, my stubborn pride is not willing to be bent to his will so
easily. We went through this and he has learned nothing.

“Alexi … you’re infuriating. Like a dog with a bone.” I cross my arms over my chest, stand tall and adopt
a no-nonsense expression. I stare at him with a very snooty pout. I only get a smile in response and he
brushes a single strand of my hair back off my face that ignites the usual goosebumps and tingles, and
I curse my wretched traitorous body. The tender affection knocks me off guard but doesn’t completely
soften me to him.

“I know what I want, and I don’t like wasting time when it falls into place. You lit a fire under my ass and
now I have my sights set on us.” The stubborn set of that very square jaw and no hint of soft this
afternoon. He has his one-track mind engaged, bull-headed demeanour on and there’s no sweet and
loving in sight.

“What about what I want?” I look away from him, too caught up in that set of alluring pale eyes that
draw you in and hold you captive, aware my heart is stammering again. He easily affects me and when
he’s in commander and chief air space, he is too efficient in manoeuvring me. I have no chance with
this man as it is, God forbid I become so enamoured with him and steeped in his binds that I have no
way out.

“Trust me, if I didn’t care about what you want, this would go a whole different way. Just a date, Cam.
I’m not talking about anything else; no sex, strings, weird shit, or games. Just dinner, anywhere you
choose, some time away from here. I want you to give me a chance that’s all.” Alexi, boorish and single
minded, bearing down on me with a loaded look and I relent, cracking so easily under pressure. I hate
when he makes me feel anxious, but it’s my own weak nature and my longing to see him for more than



these few stolen seconds that truly makes me cave. If he wasn’t walking out the door, I probably
wouldn’t be panic deciding. I’m literally torn in two about agreeing.

“You know if you refuse, I’ll just follow you around all night and make tonight a living hell.” He adds with
a devilish smile that just elicits an eye roll and a sigh from me.

I know he would do that, specifically to annoy the shit out of me.

“What makes you think I care? I can ignore you.”

“Can you? I can be really invasive when I want to be, and we both know you hate distractions when
working the floor. Besides, you cried when you thought I was dead. I know you care and you’re still
here, so I have more leverage than I thought I did.” Smirking like a smug deviant, but I’m not caving
that easily. Even if he is right.

“I cry when I break a nail, dahling. Really doesn’t hold much weight. And I’m only still here as I love my
job and wasn’t really in the mood for a new start. It was cold out.” It’s an attempt to dodge what he
already knows, and he is clearly not buying it.

“You care about me, even if you can’t admit it. Last night said it all and I’m not about to back down and
act like I didn’t tell you how I felt. You’re right, I’m a dog with a bone when I want something and it’s
your company tonight, whether you agree or not. So, don’t count on getting any work done.”

Hardly the most romantic of propositions from a bossy sod with his mind set on what he wants, but
what do I expect? It’s him after all.

“Is this the arrogance I can expect from now on? Thinking you know what’s going on in my head and
using it to bully your way through?”



“I’m not bullying, I’m giving you the option. Date or stalker … it’s that simple.” He grins at his own
deviousness and all I can do is exhale heavily, glance heaven wards for strength and accept the
inevitable. He was never easy to live with before and now he will simply be the same unbearable brute,
except with his mind set on pushing me to spend time with him. I think I liked him more when he spent
half his life avoiding me.

“Okay! You’re not funny you know, even if you think you are.” I almost snap it at him, frustrated that he
knows how to corner me and harass me into shit when I still feel all messy brained. I’m useless.

“That’s a matter of opinion.”

I don’t even dignify that with a response, just straight to my demands to regain a little control here.

“Not a restaurant or anywhere where you have fucked the staff.” I raise a brow at him sarcastically,
looking for a little bad mood to wound that cocky attitude and this time it pulls a heavy exhale from him.
He’s not amused with the dig but it’s not sparking a fight either. He just looks slightly irritated.

“That wasn’t intentional. I was trying to let you in on parts of me that no one else gets to see and it
backfired. So, nowhere that I have any ties, past or present. Understood.”

That surprises me a little, but I don’t dwell on it. I should remember how good he is at coercing you to
feel what he wants you to feel.

“Yeah, well, I would rather not have some scrawny old conquest salivating over you and ruining my
food. I’m also in no mood for dressing it up and acting proper. I want to chill a little tonight and get my
head back together, so make plans on those details.” If he expects me to cuddle up all smiles and
charm and act like an amorous date, he has another thing coming. He wants to pursue me, then he can
deal with whatever mood comes with him pushing me into it. I will also not be putting on a face, heels
or a dress and he can deal with a casually attired woman who can’t be arsed with five-star behaviour
and multiple cutlery. I need simplicity tonight.



“So where to?” Alexi glances back over his shoulder and I know he’s probably getting antsy that he
needs to go. Mico out there with the car running already, no doubt. Waiting patiently because he is a
gem who seems happy to see us working things out. Alexi only likes to be late when it is of his
choosing.

“I don’t know. I have never actually been on a real date in my life. Maybe something normal, like
average people do, and not flights to Miami to hang out in billionaire nightclubs where you have the
urge to beat people.” I smirk at that little dig and get a full-blown smile right back at me, dimples and all,
which do funny things to my insides. No remorse whatsoever at me bringing up that little black mark
against him. Not that he has ever explained that night, and that’s still a conversation to be had.

“So, no violence, sex buddies, flashing the cash and extravagant venues? Leave it with me. I really
need to go.” He leans in surprisingly fast and plants a chaste kiss on my cheek that startles me. I hate
that he ignored all my veiled attempts at getting a rise out of him and threw them off with humour and
nonchalance. No rising to my bait and showing his mean side.

Dickhead.

He doesn’t wait around though, just a wink and a cheesy, satisfied smile and he’s off, rushing out the
door like a man on a mission, and I’m left hanging in the hall wondering how the hell he just coerced
me into spending time with him on a date, even while telling myself I needed time out. Or that I’m left
gawping after him, feeling disappointed and listless because he is leaving me here.

Arsehole.

He simply storms in and takes over everything, and it is annoyingly effective. He truly is like a tornado
who just sweeps through and leaves everything in carnage.



I’m not prettying myself up, wearing something sexy or doing anything to make him think he has earned
anything from me. I want food, time out of this building and then I will come home, ditch him in the living
room and go to work. If he thinks anything beyond that is happening, he can go find someone else to
fuck. I won’t care …

Much.

Okay, that’s a lie. I will care and probably stab him and her to death with my stilettos should he be that
stupid.

Until I suss him out a hell of a lot more and pull apart any ulterior motives in his decision that I am what
he wants, then he’s getting nothing in return. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not a damn thing.

My presence, my company, but fuck all else until I get my bearings and figure out if he truly is being
honest with me. The second he makes me uncomfortable or shows any hint of screwing with me, I’m
gone.

His club, his apartment, all of it. I will leave it all behind without a second thought to save myself.

I’m not playing stupid this time and gambling with my heart. I won’t allow myself to get to that point of
desperation where I feel I have no other choice than putting his gun to my head.

“You okay?” Jackson's voice startles me from behind and I turn to meet that happy, loving face coming
towards me down the hall. My gentle giant, the carer and protector I would be lost without nowadays.
He is the mood lightener I need in Alexi’s absence.

“Just fine.” I throw him my genuine big, warm smile and slide my arm into his when he’s next to me.
The calm to my day and someone I never have to dissect or second guess. His only motives in life are
doing his job, which is keeping me safe and angling to go for food at every opportunity.



“You want to go out before tonight starts?” He asks his usual daily question as we have got into a
routine of going out for some shopping or sorbet to escape this place for an hour or two before show
time. I have come to depend on my little Jackson time outside of ‘Carreroland’. The boy just wants
treats.

“I suppose a little shoe shopping couldn’t hurt. Maybe pick up an ice-cream or two.” I grin when his face
lights up like the proverbial puppy dog he can be. Jackson loves nothing more than junk food, and I
long ago learned that if you ply him with it before the shopping excursion, then he will happily sit for as
long as he takes to eat it while I shop in peace.

“Lead the way Lady Camilla. I heard they have two new flavours this week at Ample Hills Creamery to
try.” He knows it’s my favourite parlour in Midtown Manhattan and is close to some of my usual
boutiques. Killing three birds with one stone. Satisfying my shopping and junk food cravings and taking
my mind off Master Carrero and tonight’s date.

“Okay but we can’t have a long outing today, I have dinner with our lord and master before the club
opens.” That doesn’t leave me long to go out, come back to oversee prep and get ready. It’s just as
well I’m putting no effort into the date then, isn’t it?

He nods and mock bows, not even blinking that I would have plans with Alexi, before leading the way
to the elevator so I can hop upstairs for my bag and jacket and it puts me in a much better mood.

Maybe giving me Jackson as my shadow and personal bodyguard wasn’t the worst thing Alexi could
have done for me. He chose someone sweet, patient and trustworthy. A big cuddly bear who would
take a bullet for me, and again, it adds to the level of honesty in what Alexi says he feels for me.

He is always protecting me, and he picked Jackson based on what he thought I needed, not just an
intimidating silent bodyguard who keeps me under lock and key. He gave me someone to trust,
someone to call a friend. A reason to feel less alone in his big old empty club and someone to rely on



when he was not here to keep watch himself. Alexi always has reasons behind every choice he makes,
and I’m seeing the evidence of his care in the choices he made for me on my return.

Maybe he isn’t so bad, and tonight I should give him a little benefit of the doubt. Lighten up a little and
take each hour as it comes. Maybe turn down the frosty dial, relax and try to have a little fun. Stop
overthinking and start paying attention to the small details that tell me he has a heart after all.

 


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